"The Biggest Battle I've Ever Fought- The War Within"


By: Sandi Krakowski


I'll never forget her words as long as I live.

One of my mentors, a direct response marketing legend  and I were ending a very strategic coaching call. Then she paused and said, "Have you ever read the book, "The War Of Art"? Before she could explain to me what it was about, I was on Amazon ordering it overnighted.

She went on to say, "It's about far more than just what you're thinking. Read that book."

By the time we hung up 5 minutes later I found the MP3's online as well, ordered them and was already downloading them to my iTunes library.

And then I was onto make dinner…. never expecting what hit me!

The grill was hot, the steaks were placed nicely on the surface and Steven's voice was already going in my ear. "Oh MY GOSH!" is the only thing that came out of my mouth! My son came running and asked if I was ok! I was at the hot grill, after all, and these were not the kind of words he typically heard out of me when I was cooking.

After I assured him that I was fine as far as the cooking was concerned but would never be the same again, he gave me that look. The one where he sees his Mom has gone somewhere else in deep thought and well, he'd just go back to what he was doing. 

He'd seen those eyes and that look before but he had no idea what was going on in my head. Steven continued with this statement: " Most of us live two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance."

I flipped the steaks, looked out into the acres of woods behind our house and knew I was in for something big.

The last time something this big and impactful hit me was the day I cried for hours when I realized that my future was changing. The diseases had left my body and I was left with a question of what I wanted to do with my life.

But let me say this here and clear, battling Systemic Lupus, Chrohns disease, depression and suicide had nothing on the enemy Resistance. I've often wondered if they were directly related. Did Resistance fuel the disease, or was the disease the result of my unlived life, the pain of not reaching for more.

Steven continued, "How many of us have become drunks and drug addicts, developed tumors and neuroses, succumbed to painkillers, gossip and compulsive cell-phone use, simply because we don't do the thing that our hearts, our inner genius, is calling us to do? Resistance defeats us."

By this time the steaks were being served on a platter, the salad was done, potatoes were ready, a glass of wine poured and I called my family in for an amazing meal. But for me, I had this very disturbing feeling rising up. I had come face to face with the reality I'd been running from for awhile.

Have you ever been moving towards your dream so hard and so fast and then, hit a brick wall? That happened to me. The closer I got to where I am today some 4 years, someone or something reminded me to only go 'so far.'

But Resistance was much bigger than that. It had been telling me to sit down, shut up and be quiet since I was a little girl. 

My mentor told me that I needed to do a few things to really bring what I was given to the potential I was capable of. Networking, going to some events, meeting people who inquired about me. And…. here's the big clincher, quit hiding behind a computer screen, blaming the competitors who warned me to never compete with them, as the reason I was holding myself back. It was time to soar!

Dysfunctions had been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, whether it was a Mother who was threatened by me or a teacher who didn't like me or church leaders who thought I was too bold and should just be more quiet, they were there. No small wonder as I grew in my business life I resurrected the dysfunctions again with mentors who coached and helped but had enormous entitlement issues. No small wonder I submitted to it. My unlived life was yet to be born, let alone be free. 

But now, that was all challenged.

Time to stop blaming circumstances, people, feelings for where I was.

It was bigger.

I got wind of why I might be holding myself back. Could it be because I didn't think I deserved to go where God was calling me?

Not needing any help with my own Resistance it was still very surprising to me that with all the success we were seeing in the company I recently built, there was still far more potential than I was letting come forth.

That is until I read this book, listened to the MP3's and re-read and re-listened nearly 5 times each.

Over and over again, I had to ask myself the hard questions and over and over again came the conclusion, "If the challenge to just be what I was designed to be is going to threaten someone than they could deal with God about it, because He Himself put this inside of me!"

The Warrior Princess was allowed to soar free! And soar she did! To massive growth, massive impact and then….. something else occurred that wasn't even in my business plan.

My heart was ruined.

When I faced the Resistance on my own two feet I began to run in pursuit of dreams that weren't even my own, but my customers.  I began to think of my clients when I was grocery shopping, thinking of them as I remembered what it was like to pinch every penny so I could get that next training course.

As I lay on the floor of my office asking God for wisdom and courage for the day, I found myself crying out for my customers as well. I had a new found passion that had been held back with all the dreams about a bigger reality. And cry I did…. for them to be free, see more, think bigger and do what they were designed to do.

You see, when we allow the Resistance to hold us back, keep us down and squander all that we were designed for- it's really not about us. It's about the impact we possess.

Don't get such a big ego to think that your battle is about just you and your small life. I say that with love and respect. But seriously, the real issue is this- the real battle is not about you at all, but rather, about all those who need you to succeed.

Pressfield closes with these words that now haunt me in a beautiful way:

"It may help to think of it this way. If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don't do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet. 

You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God.

Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It's a gift to the world and every being in it. Don't cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you've got."

I leave you with those words as well. Give us what you've got!a

Steven Pressfield, "The War Of Art" can be found at: http://www.stevenpressfield.com/


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Sandi Krakowski is a Mompreneur, Coach, Strategist & Mentor, Online Marketing Expert, Speaker, Writer, Copywriter. Mindset & Marketing For Small Biz Owners. Her unique talent is as a "Back To Basics Step By Step Business" expert who currently serves more than 150,000 clients in over 136 countries. Her systems help the average business owner as well as big corporations get extra-ordinary results quickly.

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